Learning to Say ‘No’
WAHMs Embracing Boundaries
WAHM’s have a lot
of responsibility, and if you have younger children
like I do, it’s likely that saying ‘no’ is not
always an option. If the potty training 3 year old
say it’s time to ‘go,’ it’s time to go. There’s no
waiting until I’m finished with what I’m doing. But
when I allow this same ‘drop everything and go’
mentality to overflow into other areas of my life,
that’s when I find myself out of overwhelmed and out
of balance.
Why We WAHM’s Don’t Say ‘No’
There are several
reasons we WAHM’s find it hard to say ‘no’ and stand
our ground. But learning to find where our
boundaries are and to stick to them goes a long ways
towards finding balance in our every day lives.
Just a few reasons why we will often say ‘yes’ when
we really want to say ‘no’ include:
-
I don’t want to
be rude
-
It’s expected of
me
-
If I don’t take
this, there won’t be another opportunity
Underneath each of
these statements, and many more like them, is the
belief that we have to put other’s needs before our
own and the fear that if we don’t, we’ll be cast-out
in some way.
This is a normal
fear based on very normal, primal survival
instinct. As children, we need our ‘tribe’ to
survive. The younger we are, the more pertinent it
is to follow the rules so as to avoid being
shunned. As we get older, we become more capable of
caring for ourselves, yet that child’s instinct, if
left unchallenged, will remain leaving us unwilling
to say ‘no’ even when we need to.
Empowered WAHM’s
Say ‘No’ with Respect and Clarity
As someone who has
had a difficult time establishing my boundaries with
others most of my life, I understand how fearful it
can be to feel as if you’re stepping on others toes,
and to really be afraid of what that other person
will think. But I can also tell you that my worst
fears have never come true. Instead, others have
come to respect me more, and I have gained control
over my life in a way that works for everyone.
There are 3 things
I have done to give myself permission to say ‘no.’
-
I am clear about
what my priorities are. Knowing where I’m going
and why it’s important to me has given me the
criteria to know what will compliment my goals and
what will take me off course. I find polite ways
of saying ‘no’ to activities that sound like they
might be fun, but don’t fit into my priorities.
-
I sleep on it.
When I hear about activities that might fit into
my life, I still choose to sleep on it before
answering. I know that my weakness is saying
‘yes’ in the moment, then regretting it later.
Letting someone know that it sounds interesting,
but I need to check my schedule, allows me time to
either truly commit to it, or politely back down.
Either way, I always make sure that I send a
definite response and follow through. That way, I
am still able to build trust with that person
because I have followed through on letting them
know what my answer is.
-
I am clear about
what my skills and abilities are – and are not.
Especially when it comes to my writing and
coaching career, I am clear on what types of
projects I am suited for, and which ones I had
better refer to someone else. When the right
opportunities come along, I can say ‘yes’ in a
timely manner and feel good about it. And when
it’s not a match, I have learned to trust that new
opportunities will come. Most often, I wind up
earning the respect of those I work with because I
am honest and straight forward and have been
willing to help them, even if they don’t become a
client. It has also helped me build referral
partners – people who will refer business to me
because they know I support them too.
Learning to say
‘no’ is an act of empowering and respecting
yourself, your abilities, and is being realistic
about how much you can take on. I used to take
everything on myself, then feel bad about the things
that I couldn’t complete in the way that I wanted or
needed to. Now, by saying ‘no’ more often, I am
enjoying the time I do have more, and people around
me are learning that I can be counted on fully each
time I say ‘yes.’ It was a challenge at first, but
has been well worth the effort.
What are 3 ways
that you can politely give yourself a way to say
‘no’?
